No more complaints...

So I was talking with a friend and kinda re reading what I have wrote and MAN do I ever complain allot lol... I dont want to keep alive what I am NOT happy about but rather am gonna make this blog about what I do want to create in my life and my hopes and dreams. So to start off with I would absolutely love for world peace lol lol lol... at least my world in peace. I would love to be able to drive and be able to go on adventures and drives with Kenzy to and when ever we want. To be able to afford the clothing I would really like to wear.. to live in a home that I am proud of and is clean and tidy lol... smiling cause I know this is very achievable... I would love to be in a position in life to really make a difference in peoples lives, especially children. To be able to study behaviour and learn how to help children gain or keep the innocence that is so sad to watch them loose the older they get and the more they have to deal with the little things that life and people throws at them. Would love to be able to just look at a child and imprint in their little brains how wonderful and perfect each and everyone is. I would love to be able to tell parents that try to control their children to give it a rest as they will figure out what works and what doesn't but we never get a second chance to help nurture them and help make their choices on who they are going to be in life. To tell them to enjoy their time while they have children at home and to let the children be their weird corky selfs, as if you do that then the magical love starts and wonderful things happen and the best times happen. Would love to be able to be in every parents ear just saying just take a second and give your child a hug, takes 30 seconds at most but makes the world of a difference in their confidence and happiness. To always give freely with NO strings attached and let children make mistakes and love them even more for it instead of scold them for it actaully talk to them about it and then LET IT GO! I would love most of all to just be able to show people that they are all here for a reason and that anger and hurt are a waste of time, that waiting for other people to do things is putting the power in others hands and you might be waiting a life time for them to take action so why not do it yourself and smile while doing it ;). But most of all I would love to be ale to LIVE all these words. I understand them all and can see so clearly how these things can make a world of a difference but to actually KNOW them and live them from the inside would transform my life like you wouldnt believe. I figure if I can live them then it might be contagious and catch on. I want to be able to get a job and not think twice, to make the best of it even if I fail. To use all situations as a chance to give. To be able to create a good enough income that all of mine and my daughters needs were met and I wouldnt have to stress over bills any longer. I would love to write children's books. I would love a nice camera to capture the wonderful monents that happen and we can remember them forever, to capture pure joy and pure interest in peoples face and all the wonderful things that occure around us, to capture the little things not otherwise noticed. I would love to train and study animals and just be in a position to study and watch them. I would love to be able to go to a small town overseas and be submersed in giving love to children that are craving love and NEEDING love so badly. To really know what the most important things in life are. I want my family to be very close and for my brother and sister and father and mother to be closer than they are. I want to be able to be in at least a weekly part of all my nieces and nephew's lives. I want to do something for my cousin who is autistic and really could use a family of people around him and to make my aunt realize what a truely wonderful person she truely is. I would love to sit and talk about life with my uncle for hours on end and be able to write it all down lol. I want to write books for people to help them in their day to day life and help them smile from the inside out. I would love to have the confidence to paint all the pictures I dream about painting and would love to swim under a WARM waterfall.... I would love to be at ease in all situations even if it called for me to be assertive. I would love to feel awake and healthy and good every morning I wake up. I want to not have to hide my pain any longer and have thoughts of being crazy any longer. I want to run as far and as fast as I can as long as I want. I want to have a job where I can dress up sometimes and wear sweats other times. I want to feel like I am giving always... for now that is all I am going to write about that... I am going to share an exercises I did in a course I took. It was a guided vision of your best day ever. I found it interesting and although I can not remember all the exact details I was surprised what I found out.

So it began with us waking up in the morning and envisioning the room around us and where we were sleeping... I was in a circular bed by myself, I was around 40 or so, I lived in a penthouse with very tall ceilings and big long red velvet drapes and a big red shag carpet around and under my bed. My walls were cement or grey, I lay ed in bed for a while and then got up and went into my little room that had One big red pillow in it and bamboo and 3 waterfalls in it and 2 tall windows with white flowing curtains and the windows were open to make it seem dreamy. I sat down and meditated for about a half hour. I then went back into my bedroom and into my HUGE bathroom to take a shower, I had a big shower with 2 shower heads so that there never was a chance to get cold and a big soaker tub up on 5 steps. I got out after a LONG shower and then went into my closet that was full of so many colours it looked like a rainbow with a light shinning behind it. I got dressed in some cord bell bottoms and a tight but long tshirt and a nice knitted red sweater with some red boots with a small heal. I felt like I was smiling from the inside out, like I was very grateful to have a choice on what to weat and wanted to express the most amount of joy in the outfit I chose. I then went to my kitchen to get some food. I had a open concept kitchen.living room, dining room. When I got to the kitchen there was a fruit smoothly waiting for me with piece of paper under it with a picture of a heart. I then all of a sudden was in a limo going to a big kind of rec center place. I was then in an office watching some videos and taking notes and doing paperwork at the same time, working at my own pace with no sense of pressure. Then a man with HUGE dreads came in and told me they were ready and I went with him to this big gym like setting where there were children everywhere. They were all in groups doing things like playing pass with a ball and climbing ropes and all kinds of things but there was one group waiting for me of about 30 children waiting to watch a movie. There were about ten other adults in a line all smiling at me, they were all African and in bright colours as well. We were announcing something but I dont know what... next I went to go meet someone for lunch, I was on a strip of grass about 30 feel wide and forever long, I had no shoes on and could feel the sums warmth on my whole being. There were trees about every ten feet of so and from behind one came a man with salt and pepper hair, loose slacks and no shoes on and a box's of sushi. We sat and smiled and ate lunch and then I appeared back at work doing some more paperwork and smiling and feeling like I was doing good, that I was blessed and could not believe I was where I was. I went home and entered my door and there was an instant feeling of family in my home. I went into the dining room and there was food on the table and my brother, sister, mother and kenzy and about 5 of her friends all waiting for me to eat some food...
that is about all i remember but I was amazed that first I lived in a penthouse as I thought i would live in the jungle or something lol, and that I was the head of some sort of program it seemed and had people actually working for me. It was a freeing feeling and I felt whole.
Well that is all for now, its time for nigh nigh lol... I am sure there are a lot of things I am missing and I know there are a lot of meaningful things I missed but I am sure will come out in the writtings to come. Ill be back soon to write more of what I would like to accomplish and what things I dream of for myself, the ones I love and for everyone. Thanks for reading :)